Umm I'm too high to move.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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