I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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