I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Randomize
