Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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