there's paper in my vomit.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
