I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
