why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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