Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
