You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
