There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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