people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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