My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
