the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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