A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
