Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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