Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
