I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
