i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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