My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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