I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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