is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
