Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
