wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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