I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
