I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
