The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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