bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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