My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
