we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
