Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
