My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
