Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
