he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
