And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
