I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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