so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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