I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
