I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
