im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
