You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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