have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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