i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
