New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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