Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
