Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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