so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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