the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
