yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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