What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
