im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
