): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
