Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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