I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just google imaged poop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
