How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
