Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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