So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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