Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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