With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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