I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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