i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
