They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
