Whod you bang
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
should my penis look like a turkey
Houston, we have a blender
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
