Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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