apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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