DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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