i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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