he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
