if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
