I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
