so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
