we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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