What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
